March Pages

my mother died a few weeks ago...

gentle reader..

and

Immediately following the news, I sprained my wrist.. 

Yes, THAT wrist and so ...

unable to write, legibly ..draw with dexterity or type quickly,

 I was forced to sit and marinate in my feelings..

many of you know that my mother was an alcoholic..

 before you get all boo hoo-y on me, 

let me tell you, that

My mother and I had been estranged since 1994

It was my choice..
to simply hang up on her..
disconnecting from the chaos of alcoholism ...

a truth for me is that it is always easier to love someone unconditionally
when they are not in your physical experience..

My maternal family had a bipolar and alcoholic history..

Fortunately

My father's family was our sanctuary, 

they still, to this day do not understand what a haven, (a heaven really) they provided.. 

Safety, security, food, play and above all ...love. 

Without them, I am sure I would be a very different person than the woman I am today. 

the other thing that they provided us with was

 contrast... 

 we understood at least unconsciously that not all mothers forgot to feed children,

  beat them, verbally abused them or failed to protect them.

It was years ago in therapy that I realized
that I intensely disliked butterflies and dragonflies..
I thought they were..
creepy
when a memory resurfaced...


the grade school science lab that I attended

 had several butterfly and bug specimens
and I remember just hating those collections...

you see...
  I identified with those tiny winged creatures
pinned to boards..
 their lack of freedom..
such fragile beings..

ingredients: paper ephemera, pencil, walnut ink, acrylic paint, colored pencils, tissue paper, safety pins, pen and ink, gel medium, gold leaf 

note: butterfly wings are hand drawn on tissue paper, with colored pencil, pen and ink and gold leaf.

If you have read my blog for any length of time,
you will know that
 freedom is often a reoccurring theme in my work... 

for me,
freedom and forgiveness are linked..

Forgiveness is a verb,
 it is active in my life.. because memories are triggered by the most insignificant things..
smells, words, sayings..
and forgiveness
it is a gift
 I give to myself.........
 It heals from the inside out

and I believe it is imperative in order to live a healthy life...
I think that without forgiveness, one cannot truly know freedom...


As always I am heartily grateful
 to you for your kind readership..

xo

march pages

what a difference  a year makes...

this time last year, I had sprouts in the garden...

cut flowers on my table...

and tulips lining the drive...

and nowhere is it more evident than in my art...

I am certainly affected by my environment...

to see march pages from last year

go here... 

not that I don't love the color brown...

you all know that it is my favorite color...

but I am ready for green

and color, and flowers...

and bird nests...

can it really be easter... ?

soooo...

I guess I don't really have to explain these pages...

do I?

I mean... x marks the garden plot above in my head because the garden is covered in snow...

sigh...

I know it is happening everywhere... so you all understand...

at least in Colorado, we were prepared for wet and snow

since March and April typically are the heaviest snow months...

but we had BIG SUN TOO...

but here...

the deer should not be eating all of my evergreen bushes...

ingredients: gesso, book pages, paper ephemera, acrylic paint, ink, twinkling h20's, molding paste, colored pencil thread, ink resist, pen.

my spring giveaway ends

on 

March 29

so scroll down to the last post

to 

decide which piece of art you want...

hoping everything is in bloom in your world!

C4N!