Art and Suicide

Gentle readers..

I am sharing deeply from my heart today..

I promised this year to dig deeper..

In the recent news of the suicides of Spade and Bourdain,

there have been many articles about suicide, depression and people sharing their thoughts and feeling about the subject. There are endless posts offering the hotline number for suicide prevention, 

which is all good. 

I am glad that we are having a larger discussion about this topic..

because it has touched me personally, not once but twice 

so today,

 I wanted to share some art

that I created in order to assist my healing and perhaps urge others to 

put pen to paper and paint on canvas..

to rip the stigma from this topic..

suicide

Peter

The painting below was done in May of 2009 when I found out that my brother had shot himself 

The title is..

I Think I'll Disappear Now

It is mixed media on canvas and hangs in my studio.

My brother was born angry. 

He was the kind of toddler who threw tantrums, pulled hair and jewelry. I remember him as always frustrated by someone or something.. he needed to be in control at all times. 

He was also talented, a poet and loved to write.. of course, that was not considered to be very macho at the time. 

 Caterina Giglio, Mixed Media on cradled canvas, I Think I'll Disappear Now, 12 x 16

I wasn't surprised to hear of his death..

I was only surprised that he had lived so long. 

people with so much anger and resistance don't last long..

 I realized then that death had finally brought him peace..

and that he could rest..

without being angry about someone or something

that he could not control.

There are some family members that feel it was an accident.. I can understand that...

Roger

I can contrast that death with the suicide of my best friend, many years earlier..

Roger was charming, cultured, brilliant and artistic but, 

he was never going to be the football player that his father wanted.

We talked for hours about art, and music, he introduced me to the work of Constable, and was positively crazy about Turner... 

I was miserable, when I found out that Roger had taken his life in 1978

understandably

 because I was going to miss him ..

dreadfully

But the worst part was that..

 Roger was a gay man just wanting to live his life with his sweetheart.

He took his life because he could not have the life he wanted. 

He was frustrated by the prison built for him,

 by society, and his family..

I have no art to share with you about Roger..

because I held it deep inside..

Caterina Giglio, Art Journal Page, 2012, The Dream

Peter

 In 2012.. I had the loveliest dream about my brother

 and I shared this spread on my blog..

when it happened..

In the dream, he waved to me in the distance and 

he walked up to me, he looked so radiant and beautiful..

I had just found a dead dragonfly and I held it out to him, feeling sad about it's death...

Pete just shrugged and grinned at me...

and then turned and walked off, waving goodbye to me as he

literally walked into the light of the sun..

For some reason that dream made sense to me of 

suicide..

I know it is shocking to hear when someone has voluntarily decided to take

their own life..

believe me, 

try bringing it up in conversation
 when discussing naturally about the death of siblings..

"and how did your brother die?"

they ask innocently..

and as I answer the room suddenly goes still...

Stigma..
there is that word that lingers and is silently associated with the deed..
Suicide..

Caroll Giglio and Peter Giglio 1958

Fortunately suicide is no longer a crime.. 

I mean what would they do anyway, give you the death penalty?

But the stigma still remains..

The silence is pervasive..

I am just an artist working through the events that have made me..

but what I do know is 

that there are as many reasons for suicide as there are people..

Depression is not the only reason for suicide

it can be as simple as anger..

it doesn't really matter if the prison is created

 by the mind or by society..

it is time to unlock the cell..

xox